“Just one more beer, then I’ll ask her out.” Alcohol is also called liquid courage… and when you don’t drink, you’ve got to find another source of courage. Asking someone out is extremely daunting, but it doesn’t have to be. Here’s how to ask someone out if you’re sober and don’t drink.
I remember being at the club and hearing my friends say, “I can’t ask her out yet, just a few more beers and I’ll be ready.” Some people won’t even get on the dance floor until they’re buzzed. But the sad part is that they’ll never be ready to dance, ask someone out, or get out of their comfort zone… unless they have an abundance of alcohol.
If you’ve decided to be sober in college, then I’d like to congratulate you because you’re going to learn skills over the next couple of years that can dramatically enhance your life, relationships and success. So let’s start with this specific one of asking someone out when you’re sober.
1) SWAGGER A.K.A. CONFIDENCE
Have you ever seen a couple that made you think, “How did HE end up with HER?!” One answer. Swagger, A.K.A. Confidence. People are attracted to confidence, not insecurity. When you ask someone out timidly, they automatically believe that you know a reason they should say no. That’s why you have to assume the other person is dying to go out with you! In fact, you should tell yourself, “He/She has been wanting to date me for weeks because I’m so (name all your awesome qualities)! All I have to do is ask!” Now, I understand that probably isn’t completely true. But know this… all you have control over is your own confidence and the way you ask. So do whatever it takes to feel good about yourself before you ask anyone for anything – especially a date.
2) DON’T BE PREDICTABLE
Being predictable does not make for a fun date. So the way you ask someone out should not be spontaneous or unpredictable. Think of a unique way to ask for a date and don’t worry about coming off as “cheesy.” Everyone secretly loves that. If you’re like me (not creative) then be unpredictable by getting straight to the point. People don’t expect you to be completely honest and forthright. My second conversation with Emily (who is now my wife) went like this.
“Hey, do you have a boyfriend?”
“No…” (A little shocked at how direct I was)
“Awesome! Want to put your number in my phone, and I’ll take you out sometime?”
3) BE QUIET
Remember, you’re supposed to be confident! So after you clearly ask someone out on a date, or ask for their phone number, give them time to respond. Your initial reaction will be to get nervous and start talking again… but don’t! Smile and keep eye contact with them. That shows complete confidence in your ask and that you’re worth going out with. If they are a little shy about being asked out and don’t give you a straight forward response, feel free to say something like, “Listen, it’s no big deal. It’s just a date. If you don’t want to, I won’t be hurt. But if you do, I think we’d have a bunch of fun!” But again… let them respond first.
No matter how they respond… you just asked someone out. That takes supreme courage! Best case scenario, you’ve got a date to look forward to. Worse case scenario, you just learned that you’re a baller and that you can ask out anyone you want to! You also made that person feel good because you showed interest in them. Nice work.
Remember, if you don’t ask, the answer is always no. So get out there with your confidence and spontaneity. Your person is out there waiting for you!